I couldn't have decided to join the Liberal Democrats without revisiting, and reconciling with myself the problematic sense of betrayals that many people of my generation felt came from the 2010 General Election and resulting coalition.
All the way back in 1997, when I was just hitting adolescence at school there was a similar sentiment to the one that seemed to be driving things in the run up to 2010. A generation was frustrated with decades of the old then Thatcherite/Major Conservative government; a government of the past they felt no longer represented them, and on the wave of that came the shiny promise of New Labour.
They'll regret it, my parents said, lifelong fiscally Conservative voters. Labour governments are always a disaster. ("Eventually you run out of other people's money.")
But this was New Labour. A Labour that promised none of that previous incompetence. Charismatic (a very novel idea to the Thatcher/Major crowd) and keyed into an increasingly global and conscientious electorate. If I could have voted then I'd have voted Labour of course.
And we got Blair. I perhaps began to then the dangers of the populist choice promising new ivory towered housing for all and free rose tinted glasses through the NHS.
Fast forward 12 years and again, with a new stock of voters, people had grown tiresome and indeed hostile of the actions of the Blair years. Disillusioned Labour voters were sensible enough not to completely flip, and the new millenial of which I was a part had an affinity with 1960s socialism (aptly reflected in a strong shift to human interest news coverage and fly on the wall style documentaries). Why not give the Lib Dems a shot? They've been out on the side lines for a good line while now, surely they can't be any worse than what we've had?
Of course back in those heady days the political centre hadn't lurched as far to the right yet and the Lib Dems comfortably occupied the centre left just as much as Labour did with the inevitable fringe elements in both directions.
The initial results of the 2010 General Election prove fascinating, reflective and indicative of the future problems to come in so many ways I could probably get 3 posts out of talking about them before I even needed to do any external reading on the subject. But like many, I voted Lib Dem, hoping for them to win, and if not, that a left wing coalition of LD/Lab would result.
We ended up with the Con/LD coalition, which was very much NOT what so many of us had voted for.
Hindsight is of course, 20-20, and I can see now that given the numbers, a LD/Lab minority government would have all kinds of issues. Given the increasing partisanship running rife through Western democracies I'm sure the conservatives would have to a certain extent dug in and been intransigent for the sake of it.
I'm also now blessed with the insight and understanding of how the Liberal Democrats softened Conservative policies; where they forced compromise, a better knowledge of what they were responsible for, and critically what was unfairly blamed on them.
But these are not insights that can easily be imparted to the general populace; they are not obvious, and they are not quick to communicate; it's taken me the better part of 3 years to come to know them. And whilst I have learnt to accept them not everyone may be so forgiving.
This Election I find myself plagued by friends, who regularly say 'well I would vote lib dem, but look what they did last time'. The coalition and tuition fees are the most cited reasons, and they are cute often.
I now have some of the answers to why these were necessary, or at least felt the best course of action. But they are not quick answers. They are not satisfying answers. I still understand my friends' sense of betrayal. And no answer I can give them will remove that, or has the ability to assure them such decisions wouldn't be taken in future.
I still think the Lib Dems made grave mistakes on these and other issues. Politics is always about compromise, but I still firmly believe these were the wrong ones to make. They were the bottom lines. And dear gods are they paying for it.
But I didn't join the Liberal Democrats to fix this election. I didn't join them because I think next time around I could help avoid such folly. I joined them, because Brexit, Trump, this Election, are about the kind of society we want to be, about the kind of world we want to live in and how we wish to approach those around us.
I became a Lib Dem because I believe they represent one of the best and strongest hopes for the kind of views I have on those subjects, and I think it's more important than ever for those people to be visible. It's why I've gone from rarely posting anything UK politics related on my social media feeds to yelling from the mountaintops about my involvement.
This fight, my fight is for the long haul. And I'm lucky in joining a party whose members very rarely agree on the best course of action, but routinely turn up and fight for what's important.
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